The Night-Shift Freelancer

Five-star to strangers, three missed calls to family.

Hasn't seen the sun since Dashain and missed his sister's mehendi for a standup with a man named Brad in Ohio. Says 'let me check my availability' to his own mother. The blackout curtains aren't for sleep — they're so the family can't see he's awake and still ignored the wedding invite. Top Rated badge, bottom-ranked at his own dinner table.

Spotted by: online at 3am, unreachable at noon